make your shadows look like stars
by screaming internally
Summary: Figuring out polyamory isn't easy. It especially isn't easy when everyone involved doesn't know how to emotion like normal people. (OR: Jay, Jane and Carlos want to be a thing. Together. They just need to get out of their own damn way)
1. just punch out your feelings

**make your shadows look like stars**

 **summary:** Figuring out polyamory isn't easy. It especially isn't easy when everyone involved doesn't know how to emotion like normal people. Or: Jay, Jane and Carlos want to be a thing. Together. They just need to get out their own damn way.

* * *

 _One. Two. One. Two._

 _Right jab, left jab, right, left, right, left right left right left right-_

The heavy bag was swinging faster than Jay knew it could, than knew he could make it. Not that he was paying much attention: all his focus was on his flurrying fists, quickly becoming more and more wild in their execution. With a final right hook, Jay punched the bag, sending it jangling wildly off to the left.

He staggered away from the spinning, flailing thing chained to the ceiling, panting heavily. But still, he could tell it wouldn't be enough. He hadn't even broken the skin on his knuckles yet - and he hadn't even bothered to tape them up tonight, never mind putting on the boxing gloves. The only light in the dark school gym was the one beating down on him, the heat making him sweat with more than just exertion. Jay took a quick second to gulp from his water bottle - just one more thing making this feel more desperate than he was willing to admit.

While Jay and his friends would never, ever confess to wanting to go _back_ to the Isle, not for long, there were things he missed about it. He missed the lack of 'refinement', the lack of people who actually, genuinely gave a shit whether you were constantly friendly. He was tired of acting like he didn't have the urge to steal, sometimes. Things would catch his eye, flutter in his gaze and make him think _Jafar could get a good dollar for that~_ before catching himself. While Jay had definitely been more of a pickpocket on the Isle, there had been times when he'd had to beat the shit out of someone - generally when that someone was attacking him right back. And he'd enjoyed it, a little. He'd enjoyed the adrenaline, the rush, the sickening _crunch_ that could accompany his fist colliding with another person. Sometimes, when he'd finished a Tourney game, or a ROAR practice, he'd wipe at his lip and be surprised that it hadn't split, that there wasn't a taste of iron in his mouth. Yeah, he loved Auradon, but he missed the grittier, fast-paced life of the Isle sometimes, too.

Especially on nights like tonight, when he can feel energy buzzing in his ears, knows that he won't be able to sleep until he's well and truly exhausted, in a way that no sport he's taken up so far in Auradon will suffice.

He wants to punch someone. Not pull the strength in him, not to simply win a game or round against. He wants to jam his fist into someone's face, jaw, throat and gut, wants to hear them wheezing into the carpet where they're huddled on the ground, wants to feel the blood drip down his knuckles and the sting of the split skin. Wants to have his ears ring with a well-timed blow from an opponent.

But Auradon won't allow that. Auradon doesn't like it when children fight, doesn't like fighting in general. Doesn't like the more violent urges humans have, even though there's entire sports and games and industries dedicated to the gratification of people's more violent instincts.

Jay turned his body back to face the heavy bag, it having finally stopped swinging so violently. Well, he didn't have much of a choice in pastimes, if he wanted some semblance of rested sleep tonight - actually, this morning. It was almost one AM, now, according to his phone.

Which is why he just about shat himself when two more lights turned on. One on the boxing ring, another on the bag right next to him. Swivelling his head to the light-switch on the wall, he tried to scramble up an excuse for his actions-

It wasn't a teacher, ready to give him detention and suspend him from games. It wasn't Fairy Godmother, ready to march him back to his bed. It wasn't anyone he was expecting at all.

It was Jane.

And she didn't seem surprised or upset to see him. "Hi."

"Hi." Jay wasn't sure he hadn't sustained a concussion at some point. There was no way he was seeing this.

Jane was walking closer to him. She was wearing . . work out clothes? What? "Do you mind sharing?" she asked. Jay was still waiting for his brain to reboot.

"Mind sharing what?"

"The gym." Jane gestured with her index finger, waving it in a small circle in the air. "I know some people prefer privacy, but I really wanted to get a few rounds in on one of the punching bags."

 _Stop looking so gobsmacked, idiot, and say something_. Jay's tired, sleep-starved brain finally reconnected, and he decided to just roll with it. "Yeah, sure."

Jane gave him a small, cute smile, and dropped her water bottle next to his. She's clearly come prepared - she also pulled out some tape for her knuckles, and started winding it around her fingers in the precise way he'd been shown by Coach Jenkins.

"Didn't take you for a boxer." His tongue still felt dry in his mouth. Why was he still so shocked? He needed to snap out of this.

Jane looked up at him - she was even shorter, now. She wasn't wearing the high-heels almost all the girls in their school favour, including her, and now Jay's pretty sure he's a foot taller than her. Carlos is definitely taller than her, right now.

"I'm not, really," Jane says. "But I sometimes I get an urge to just hit something, hard, and it doesn't really go away until I do. It's easier to just give in." She's smiling as she says it, like Jane hasn't just validated a whole bunch of feelings Jay's been having, and contradicted a whole bunch of thoughts Jay's been having too.

He can't help but smile a bit, at her. "But you've been doing this a lot, before?" Because she clearly knows what she's doing - she's obviously practiced at it; it takes a certain amount of knowledge to sneak down to the gym in the middle of the night, to tape up your hands so efficiently.

"A couple times a semester, yeah. But combat fighting was something my Dad* insisted I know, in case I ever ended up in a dangerous situation. It became a casual hobby."

"I didn't know you had a dad." He really didn't. He'd never thought about it, which seemed weird now.

"He doesn't live in Auradon." Jane smiled, but her tone was firm. _Drop the subject_. Fair enough.

Jane lined herself up with the bag, pulling her arms into position and levelling her gaze at the bag. With a scowling glare at the bag the likes of which Jay had never seen on an Auradonian's face before, Jane swung a fist at the bag, making solid impact. The bag went swinging wildly back, as fast as Jay's had been when he was letting loose before. He had to stagger back a step at the show of force. Whoa.

Jane made repeated, quick-jabs at the bag, each one forceful enough to rattle the chains clinging to the ceiling and send the bag swinging. Jay couldn't help himself. "You're stronger than you look."

Jane's eyes flicked towards him, holding her stance. She was breathing quickly, but it was less the rapid huffing of someone out of breath, more holding a pace. "Fae strength. I can make it fluctuate at will," her fist struck out, the bag swung, "be as strong as I want, or as weak as I want. I can do the same thing with my physical density. Be as light or as heavy as I want."

"Huh." Jay leaned against his own bag, watching Jane. You learned something new every day. He traced his eyes over Jane's face, her eyes kept in glare at the heavy-bag like it had kicked a kitten. She wasn't wearing any makeup that he could see - it was one AM, why would she? - and Jay noticed that she had freckles, pale ones, across her cheeks and nose . . and they were blue? Little blue dots scattered across Jane's face. He chalked it up to a fae thing - Mal had had purple hair since the day she'd hatched** and green eyes that flared into glowing colour at will. Jay let his eyes travel across Jane's blue-spattered cheek, the deep lines under her eyes (the kind look like they from a lack of sleep, but why would Jane have trouble sleeping?), up the slope of her ear . . and up, up and up. Jane had pointy ears. Okay. Another fae thing. Maybe he should get back to hitting the bag, and stop staring at his friend . . friend's friend? He didn't know Jane that well. Whatever. He needed to stop staring like a creeper.

He turned back to his bag, letting his fists collide with it until he hit a rhythm. They stayed that way for another hour or so, before the two of them quietly slipped out of the gym a bit before three AM.

Jay snuck back to his room, carefully making sure to avoid the security cameras. When he glanced behind him to check Jane was following him, she'd disappeared. Jay shrugged. She clearly wasn't new to breaking curfew - she'd be fine.

* * *

(notes: okay, fair warning. a lot of the stuff in this is from my own headcanons, and a lot of the Jane/Fairy stuff is a mix of my own headcanons and the stuff that the ever-excellent ruff_ethereal gives to tumblr.)

this was supposed to be a one-shot longfic, but I clearly don't have the writing stamina for something like that sooo - chapters! eventually!


	2. look, i'm just trying to be robin hood

"Okay, here's what we're doing."

The two of them sat on a bench, the sun-filled park almost teeming with people. A Sunday, half the damn city seemed to have decided to spend the day in the park. Which wasn't much of a problem, in Jane's point of view. The cash money in her pocket was pressed against her thigh. She continued, "You're having problems with a pickpocketing compulsion, yeah?"

Jay nodded.

"Well, we're gonna do something that takes that compulsion and turns it on it's head." She stuck her fingers into her pocket and took out the money. About sixty dollars in all, fives and tens. "You're going to take this cash, and put it in people's pockets without them noticing. Call it reverse theft."

Jay's eyes were wide. "You think this'll be good for me?"

"I think it's worth a shot."

As they sat, Jane eyed the passersby. She'd found, over the years, that if she focused her gaze on one particular person, her sense of their emotions sharpened; the static caused by other people quieted. Jane skipped her gaze from one person to another. She could feel Jay next to her, holding himself a little tense. She flicked her gaze to him, just enough to skim his face. His eyes were focusing on people's jackets, their pants and pockets and women's purses. His nervousness was drifting into focus, getting into something he once called a 'zone' for theft. Good.

" _Sir, sir. I understand-_ "

Ooh. Jane twitched her ears, getting a better angle to listen to the frazzled young woman. A busy day, an angry employer. New to her job. Pencil skirt, business shirt. Blazer, wide pockets. Spagetti-strap handbag. Not a bad place to start. Jane patted her hand against Jay's arm, and once she had his attention, points out the woman. Passed him fifteen dollars - three fives. "Put it in her pocket."

Jay quirked her a bit of a smile, and moved gracefully off the bench. Jane turned her body to have a better view. She couldn't really see what Jay did, he mostly just walked by the woman, barely brushing her shoulder. Gave the woman a smile when she noticed him. Walked away. It takes less than a minute.

Jay circled back around the fountain the bench is in front of, parking himself next to Jane again. "How was that?" she asked.

"Good. Felt good." Jay was smiling softly. Jane felt one tugging on her lips too. She let it.

They spent the midday and early afternoon there, in the park. Jane got an ice-cream for each of them. Jay slipped the cash into the pockets of maybe eight more people in two hours. He was grinning when they leave the park. Jane breathed, smiling as she let Jay feel his own happiness leech its way into his bones from her.

It's a good day.


	3. pining idiot boy, 1 of 2

**No, this isn't dead. And this is 1,073 words of Carlos gushing about Jane.**

* * *

It's weird, having a crush. Sure, Carlos has _had_ them before – but the only one that ever went anywhere was Jay, because, well.

It's _Jay_. And they're not even on the Isle anymore, so they share a room and a bathroom and have more free time than ever; with some luxuries they'd never even dreamed of back home thrown in for good measure.

So yeah, he and Jay are dating now, and that's awesome. Which makes it _really freaking weird_ when Carlos is hanging out with Jane in the library, or when they walk Dude together – because Jane was the one taking care of the mutt before Carlos turned up, because _of course she was_ , she's _that_ stupidly nice person – and Carlos can feel his heart start beating kinda quickly, and he starts sweating a little, and sometimes Jane says something or smiles really cutely and Carlos can _feel_ his blush.

And it's even _worse_ than just having a dumb crush on someone nice to him – because lets face it, Carlos gets dumb crushes on _anyone_ who's nice to him – because when Carlos had mentioned it to Jay – you're supposed to tell your boyfriend when you think you like someone else, right? It just seemed obvious – and then it turns out Jay's got a thing for Jane too.

So now, here Carlos is, in the lap of luxury, far and away from his mother and she can never get to him again, with an awesome, hot boyfriend who likes him back, and a great school life and a dog . . . and he's pining like an idiot yet again. You'd think that at the age of sixteen, he'd be over this by now. But apparently not.

And now, here he is, supposed to be concentrating on his Law and Politics homework, because if he doesn't pass this test then half his grade in the class will tank, and he can't concentrate. Not because the homework is super boring – although it is – or because it's a beautiful day outside and he could be out there in the sun with Dude – even though he wants that so, so much – instead, he's distracted because Jane's sitting across the table from him, doing her Alchemy homework for the private tutor she sees in the city, and Carlos can't stop staring.

It's just . . . she's got this thick, dark hair that stands out on her skin, loose from any ponytail for once, some of it escaping from where Jane's shoved it behind a pointed ear; and Carlos can see where – very faintly – her makeup hasn't succeeded in covering up the blue freckles Carlos knows she has, and she's got these long eyelashes and . . . Jane's really pretty, is Carlos' point, and it makes actually doing his homework really hard.

Granted, this was the same problem when he was pining over Jay – and still is a problem, when they try to do homework together, because Jay always catches him staring and ends up making a joke, which then means they don't get any work done, because they're too busy making out. Which was WHY Carlos started studying with anyone but Jay, in order to actually focus.

Maybe he should just start studying in a closet, or something, so he doesn't see anyone while he works, and therefore he won't develop stupid crushes on people all the damn time.

And it's not just Jane's _looks_ , either. She's also super smart. The reason she's allowed to study Alchemy is because she's already tested out of Auradon Prep's math classes, and she's well past the level even the most advanced students are. She's top of all her classes, and she's always willing to help out anyone struggling, and she doesn't even do it in that really condescending way Carlos knows he can be sometimes when people ask him for help. Like, Jane's not super popular at Auradon Prep, she isn't invited to lots of parties, and she doesn't go on shopping sprees with the other princesses and stuff, but she is one of the most well-liked people at the school, even though that doesn't always mean people respect her.

Like, that's Jane. She's _nice_. Literally the first hug Carlos had ever got in his life that wasn't from Mal, Evie or Jay was from Jane. Jane makes cookies at night in the kitchens when she can't sleep, and she shares them with everyone in class the next day. Jane knits in her spare time and made all four of the Isle kids sweaters when the seasons started to cool down, and when more Isle kids got brought over, she made some for all of them too. In their signature colours. Jane has her own place in the city, and she's always willing to let people stay there when they want to get off campus for a day. Jane willingly takes Carlos and Mal and Evie and Jay and everyone else, including Uma and Harry Hook, around the city and shows them the sights. Jane helped Mal and Evie and Uma navigate the Faerie Quarter of the city, where all the fae people live. Jane negotiated her mother into letting any magic-users from the Isle take classes from private tutors so that they could learn magic even with the dumb as hell magic ban Auradon has. Jane's _great_ , is the point, and the fact that the boys at Auradon Prep were not following her around like ducklings, hoping for a date is a clear sign to Carlos that people at this school are spoiled for good taste.

Carlos likes Jay because he's familiar. Jay's comfort, Jay's safety. Jay is the guy who made living with his mother bearable. Carlos loves Jay a lot, for a lot of reasons.

Carlos likes Jane because she's nice in a way that isn't fake, the way some kindness directed at Isle kids is sometimes. It doesn't seem to occur to Jane that she shouldn't act the way she does, that she should treat the Isle kids any different from the way she'd treat anyone else. Carlos likes her because, well. Jane's like a warm patch of sunlight making flowers grow. Carlos just wants to bask in her smile, her presence, because being around Jane . . . it makes Carlos feel good. Being around her makes him and Jay feel good.

Which is probably way they're both so damn stupid over her.


	4. pining idiot boy, 2 of 2

It's while he's making out with Carlos that Jay realizes that he's got a thing for Jane for the first time, and that realization makes him feel like a complete shit, for, like, two days.

Because guilt and bad coping skills are the name of the Isle of the Lost's game, and the only – ONLY – reason it doesn't last longer is because Evie is the only emotionally-competent one out of the four of them, and drags the information out of Jay when he's just trying to avoid any kind of conversation about it by hiding up a tree.

Look, Jay doesn't judge how other people cope with things, so kindly leave him alone when he's having a minor panic attack in a place he shouldn't reasonably be able to get to.

But no, of course that's not a thing allowed in Auradon, so instead Evie drags him down from his tree and into the lap of his one rather upset boyfriend, and makes Jay _open up emotionally_ , which Jay hates doing more than he hates literally anything. But _fine_ , underneath the glare of Evie, Jay spits out that, yeah, okay, he tends to get distracted sometimes at ROAR and tourney practices whenever the cheerleaders are practicing at the same time, but only because there's one girl who keeps catching his eye, and she's the same one he has sneaky late-night gym meet-ups with and he's seen Jane kick-box a punching bag until it went flying off the hook that kept it suspended to the ceiling and if he had to choose how to die, he sort of wants her to choke him out with her thighs to do it, because Jane's really cute and she could crush his ribcage with one hand and it turns out that's a whole _thing_ for him; ignoring that Jane's also really nice and hugs a lot, which Jay doesn't get a lot of and –

The point is, once he's done, his face is bright red and he's said Jane's name maybe twenty times in under five minutes and Carlos is blushing too and stammering that he's sort of been feeling the same way, about the same girl and Evie is covering her face with her hands for the sole purpose of not having to look at either of them in their incompetence and Jay's just really glad Mal isn't here and is instead on a date with Ben, because otherwise he would **never** live this down.

"This just feels so embarrassing, I mean, who falls for two people at once?" Jay's just lamenting into the atmosphere now, but Evie takes it as a legit question to be an asshole.

"Someone from the Isle? Uma, Harry and Gil were in a three-person relationship."

"Yeah, but that's _them_. They've always been that way. I don't – Carlos and me don't have that excuse."

"Why do you need an excuse? You both fell for the same girl while dating each other. This is better than if you each fell for different people while together. Besides, out of all the people in Auradon for you two to get stupid over, Jane's probably your best bet for getting into a poly relationship."

Carlos frowned. "Wait, really?"

Evie rolled her eyes. "Yeah, Jane's totally open to polyamory. Turns out, Fairy Godmother has a younger brother – Jane's uncle – and she loves him a lot, and he's been in a poly relationship with a pair of married vampires for, like, thirty years or something. Jane adores them, going by how she talks about them. If you guys actually approached her, I bet Jane'd be open to the idea of a poly relationship. If it turns out she's into you. I have no idea if she is."

Evie shrugged, like she was giving out completely un-notable information, instead of having just blown Jay and Carlos' minds. Granted, this was her standard reaction to doing this sort of thing a lot.

;

"Okay, so . . . how do we handle this?" Carlos was keeping his eyes just below Jay's, apparently finding his boyfriend's cheek the most fascinating thing in their bedroom.

Jay puffed out his cheeks. How do they handle this? "Well – crank up the flirting? That's the best I got."

Carlos rolled his eyes. Then – he stopped an actually thought about it. "It's . . . not the worst idea. I guess we could just . . . keep going the way we have been, with Jane, and then – try and see if she's interested? Is that a bad plan?"

Jay shrugged. "Better than anything else we've got." He grinned the way he knew made Carlos blush, and – yep. Blush. Jay pulled Carlos forward, kissing him hard, happy.

This was gonna be fun – flirting with a pretty girl, with his own boyfriend as a wingman. There were worse ways to live.


	5. pining idiot girl, 1 of 1

Jane was confused at what Jay and Carlos were doing. Well – yes, they were her friends, and she'd always been on good terms with them but . . . were they flirting with her now? Because the way they spoke to her really seemed like they were flirting with her.

Which.

Jane knew that Jay and Carlos were dating _each other_ , so **what** and **why** the _**hell**_ would they be flirting with her?

Jane wasn't going to lie and say she wasn't flattered if she was reading this right – Jay had been flirting with just about everyone in Auradon since roughly the same minute he arrived in Auradon, and she and Carlos were on friendly in a way that meant he or Jane would sometimes say something that came off flirty, but now . . .

Jane blinked hard, stopping herself from staring into the glaring bright daylight outside her dorm room window. _Stop. Enough. No more thinking of that. Just because YOU have a crush does not mean they do, so stop wishing for reciprocation that isn't going to happen. They're in a relationship. They love each other. Stop this; you're going to ruin your friendship if you can't keep this to yourself._

Jane locked her eyes to the floral wallpaper of her room – a different one from the standard wallpaper of every other dorm room in Auradon Prep, because Jane's room had been a private office before her mother realized that Jane would not be able to function at the school if she had to room with other students 24/7 – and glared at her own thoughts. This was what going to a boarding school did to her. Surrounded on all sides by the emotions of her fellow students, none of whom could really control theirs, and she was an Empath and could _feel_ all their emotions . . . there was a reason she came off as erratic and scared to her classmates.

When everyone else had a general mood across campus, Jane just – reflected it back as her being herself, as far as her classmates could tell. Is everyone nervous and scared about Villain Kids being in Auradon? Jane's nervous and scared all week. Is everyone losing their minds at a Tourney game or ROAR competition? Jane'll be there, cheering the loudest. Is everyone vindictive and angry at Family Day over the VK's? Jane's going to be bitchy and mean, without really wanting to be herself, because she can't control this. The stupid-ass magic ban means that none of the quote-unquote 'good fairies' in Auradon are willing to teach her. Jane's attempt to steal the Magic Wand wasn't entirely about her hair, or popularity but – she would've wished for her mother to _hear_ her when she spoke, and understand. To _see_ Jane when she stood before her, and see what Jane saw. People's perception of Jane is warped by themselves. And it also means that Jane has trouble figuring out people's motives sometimes because – normal people read faces and body language to figure out someone's motives or desires, and Jane does too, but she's also getting blindsided by what they _feel_ , and she can't absorb it all at once as quickly as it comes.

So, in sum, Jane is Not Allowed to interpret Carlos and Jay's friendly comments as flirtation, their nervous-calm as feelings for her, because that is Not What Is Happening. Clearly. They are Clearly being friendly to Jane, because she's their friend, and the nervy-calm is Obviously them being stressed out about something else, like their homework, or Tourney, or Jay's upset because he's awake at two in the morning because he had a bad dream of something horrible on the Isle and _No Jane Has Not Conveniently Come Down To The School Gym For Some Late-Night Fight Practice To Make Sure Jay's Okay, She's Clearly Doing It Because She Needs To Practice Boxing And Oh Hi Jay, Totally Didn't Know You Were Here_ , _Ha Ha. What An Odd Coincidence._

Jane's just trying to be a good friend, and that's all she'll be. And that's okay. Carlos and Jay have each other, and Jane has them in a Totally Platonic Way. She'll hang out with Carlos and Dude, reading and playing video games, and she'll trade jokes with Jay in the hallway and keep his late-night fight training a secret between themselves.

And Jane will Stop getting distracted by Carlos' freckles and the way his curly hair is haloed by the white-and-dark sections while she's studying with him, and she'll Stop wanting to swoon like an idiot when Jay winks at her in the hallway.

At least the thick layer of foundation and concealer she needs to cover her blue freckles every day means they can't see when she's blushing.

Jane sighed, and dropped her textbook back onto her bed. Maybe Doug or Lonnie were doing something she could join in with and she'd actually do something useful, instead of stupidly wishing for stupid feelings to go away when they clearly weren't.

* * *

Denial is not just a river in Egypt.

Yeah, so I've got this long-held headcanon that Jane's always had magic abilities, specifically Empathy, where she's constantly feeling the emotions of the people around her, and there's no getting away from it for her. It's my excuse for why her characterization in D1 seemed to change around every few scenes for her.

And I also headcanon Jane being an outsider in a bad way for most of her high-school career, so she's having a hard time believing that people are Actually Flirting with her when they do, because Clearly This Is All In Her Head They're Just Being Friendly You're Making Something Out Of Nothing.

Also Jane has blue freckles and pointy fairy-ears, and Carlos does Not have that stupid straight hair wig they insist on putting on Cameron Boyce, he's got Boyce's actual curly hair in the behind-the-scenes stuff, because it's beautiful and the fact that DD's production crew keep making him look like That is a hate crime.


End file.
